The Cast
De-facto
My de-facto husband would be a good husband. He is, effectively, just like a husband. Except we’re not married. It’s not because we’re opposed to it; we just haven’t gotten around to it. When people ask me why we’re not married, I should say it’s none of their business. But I’m usually too polite, so I tell them we’re just waiting for the kids to get old enough to pay for our wedding reception.
Short-pants
My oldest daughter is 9-years old, and uses a string of middle names, adopted like an indian brave, to reflect the talents and traits she’s acquired and exhibited over her amazing little life. She can recite her full name by heart, and it includes (so far): Mussolini, Malone, Miracle, Movie-Star, Mushroom-cutter, Zucchini-cutter, Butter-cutter, Lumberjack, and Barfly. She adds and subtracts names at will. Miracle is probably the most apt of all her names, but that’s pretty heavy to carry. So instead we call her Short-pants.
Buddy-roo
My youngest is six. In an attempt to differentiate herself from her big sister, she refuses to assume a list of middle names. Her impressive memory is musical; she knows by heart the melody and lyrics to number of songs, ranging in genre from The Cars, My Best Friend’s Girlfriend to the theme of Bernstein‘s On the Town. Because she was conceived in Mexico, I wanted to name her Agave, but De-facto wouldn’t have it. She will also answer to Little-Pea, Peanut or Miss Turnstile.
Ricky and Lucy
The Ricardos, who live on the ground floor of our building, are more than friends, they’re like our family in Paris. We share spare keys. We help plan each others’ birthday fêtes. They visit on a Sunday afternoon and end up staying for dinner. They’re willing to cover gaps when our schedule doesn’t meet evenly with the babysitter’s. She’s got sass and style – a true recessionista. When he’s not jetting around the world, he’s cooking up something exotic with herbs and spices. The girls call him “the kissing monster,” and they both have ridiculous crushes on him. Okay so they’re not exactly the caricature couple in I love Lucy, but as our resident hip Latino couple, you can just hear him saying “Lucy, you’ve got some ‘splaining to do.” A scenario which unfortunately casts De-facto and me as Fred and Ethel.
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